(654):

And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

1 year ago  /  11 notes

(443):

Because its an amazing idea and you’re the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome

1 year ago  /  35 notes

(419):

Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7

1 year ago  /  25 notes

(807):

If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don’t wanna be right

1 year ago  /  24 notes

(203):

tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila…summer.

(updates will resume Tuesday due to me going to the beach and getting sunburnt and inebriated)

1 year ago  /  5 notes

(727):

and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

1 year ago  /  22 notes

(914):

fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.

2 years ago  /  26 notes

(204):

Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles

2 years ago  /  21 notes

(270):

The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,”Its okay, I have a beard”.

2 years ago  /  48 notes